New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
