you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
