you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
