I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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