I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
