I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
