I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
