i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im six kinds of drunk right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
