So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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