i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
