Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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