Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
