I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
