I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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