mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
