I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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