He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
