I want to have your abortion
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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