You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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