I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
