I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Welp...herpes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
my liver is dry heaving
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
