hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
