I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
