Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
