Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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