My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
