No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
