I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
whose ass print is on the piano?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
