stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
