it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
