You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
