Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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