i need an iv and a liver transplant
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
