your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
