So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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