if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
