So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
