just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
