MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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