I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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