they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
