Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
