nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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