I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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