There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mom said you looked used
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
