My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
