i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
