I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
