I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
