chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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