walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
