What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
