OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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