Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
